philia

Etymology

Abstract noun from φίλος (phílos), “dear, beloved, one’s own, friend,” and the verb φιλέω (philéō), “to hold dear, to kiss, to treat as one’s own.” The etymology of φίλος itself is disputed. A PIE *bʰil- “harmonious” has been proposed; Beekes allows that the word may be Pre-Greek. It should not be derived from English friend by hindsight.

The compound philosophy (φιλοσοφία) preserves the older sense: not “the love of wisdom” as romance, but the treating of wisdom as dear, as one’s own pursuit.

Historical use

φιλία is the Greek word for the bond of belonging among friends, kin, comrades, guest-friends, and sometimes spouses. It is political as well as private. The φίλος is the one who counts as one’s own.

Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics VIII to IX is the most sustained ancient inquiry: friendships of utility, of pleasure, and of virtue; the claim that the friend is “another self”; the observation that philia is necessary to a life, not an ornament on it. He does not think philia is a lesser eros. He thinks it is a different problem.

Epic and tragedy fill the word with weight Aristotle cannot: Gilgamesh is not Greek, but Achilles and Patroclus are, and Homeric φιλότης covers comradeship, sexual union, and the treaty-love of guest-friends. The later habit of calling this “just friendship” is an English anxiety.

Semantic range

• Friendship, in the strong sense: chosen kinship.
• The affection proper to family and to one’s own people.
• Reciprocal regard, Aristotle thinks philia wants return, unlike a purely benefactive kindness.
• A social structure (the network of φίλοι) as much as a feeling.

Semantic change

English “platonic friendship” has done damage here: it uses Plato’s name to drain philia of intensity. Ancient φιλία could be the most intense relation in a life. Modern “friend” is both too small and too casual.